the proper conduct of relationships

majeed badizadegan

 

In relationships,

desires lead to misfortune.

Behave with discipline

and balance.

 

Kuei Mei is concerned with the guidelines for the proper conduct of relationships, whether they be social, romantic, or work related. The image here is of thunder roiling the surface of a lake, and it suggests that relationships can be disturbing to our peace of mind unless they are established and governed under proper principles.

The nature of relationships is that they lead us into the desire state: we begin to desire another, desire recognition, desire retribution, desire a particular outcome in a given situation. All of these desires lead us away from the equanimity that we aim to maintain as students of the I Ching. This hexagram often comes as a sign that you are in danger of sacrificing your composure in an effort to affect a relationship.

When someone does not treat you as you would like, you are faced with a choice as to what to do. While it may be tempting to abandon the relationship in anger or act aggressively to produce a result, neither of these is consistent with proper principles.

You are counseled instead to return to inner independence, acceptance, modestly, and gentleness. The greatest influence is always had through inner discipline and balance; less subtle measures may produce more immediate results, but they are seldom lasting.

This hexagram also teaches us that rushing into a relationship, rushing to resolve a relationship, or rushing to escape a relationship are all akin to rushing on ice: each invites a panful fall. Seek to establish relationships slowly and on proper principles, to allow them to evolve naturally, and to resolve disputes with patience and reserve.

If your primary relationship — that with the Sage — is open and ongoing and devoted, then all other relationships will fall into place.

 

The I Ching, or Book of Changes

Hexagram 54, Kuei Mei / The Marrying Maiden

 

Wei wu Wei Ching 54  ☯️  returning to innocence

 

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friendship among brothers and sisters

a buddha was born

 
Real friendship among brothers and sisters on the Sufi path includes the following eight responsibilities:

  1.  Material aid. Help your companions with food, or money, or other things they need for their own survival or development.
  2. Personal support. If they are sick, visit them; if they are busy, help them, if they have forgotten, remind them.
  3. Respect. Do not complain of their faults to them or to others. Do not give advice when you know it can not be acted upon.
  4. Praise and attention. Praise the good qualities of your companions, and let them know that you care for them.
  5. Forgiveness. Forgive your companions for their failings.
  6. Prayer. Pray for the well-being of your companions with the same fervor you pray for your own well-being.
  7. Loyalty. Be firm in your friendships so that you can be depended on by those who put their trust in you.
  8. Relief from discomfort. Do not create awkward or difficult situations that involve your companions. Do not be a burden to others.

 

al-Ghazali

stanford encyclopedia of philosophy

 

Joan Radcliffe Walker, 11 Aug. 1925 ~ 26 Oct. 2024

Joan Radcliffe Walker completed her journey on earth in the early morning hours of 26 October 2024, passing in peaceful sleep in hospice care. She leaves her daughters Julie Sands Donaldson and Laurie Lysle Walker, her son Brian Browne Walker, three grandchildren, Dylan, Sofia, and Rebecca, and some very good friends.

Joan’s father departed this life when she was 16, so his influence dimmed with time, but the presence of her mother Cynthia Pace Radcliffe entertained and inspired her and remained, until Cincie died at 83, a constant companion and guiding star.

Bud Walker, her husband for 65 years, was the best man anyone could have been married to. Bud died in January 2017.

Not what she attained, but what she learned, motivated Joan’s steps throughout her life: from an emancipated childhood she learned freedom to explore, to mingle, and to fraternize.

From scarcity in her teens she learned to improvise and plan.

From industry in her 20’s, she learned to triumph over difficulties and excel.

From her observation of discrimination and inequities, she realized an ability to access her own powers to intercede for others successfully.

From maturation she learned where her true talents lay, and from living to 99 she learned patience and a peaceful acceptance of life.

In the sum of these lessons she found joy, humor, humility, and gratitude. Life contained hope and purpose to the end.

Rest in peace, Joan, you have lived an exceptional life.

🪷

 

Almost nine years ago, my mother and I sat down at the only dining room table that I’ve ever known in my parents’ home and wrote my father’s obituary together. Soon after, without my knowing about it, she wrote her own. Years later, she gave it to me, and I have carried it with me since. Almost every word of what lies above was written by its subject. 

What I said about my father in italics at the end of his obituary was

 

It is

a signal honor when

the best man one has ever known,

the best friend one has ever had, and

one’s own father are one and the

same man. I love you,

Papa, always and

forever.

 

Change the gender, and what I have to say here is the same — not identical, because they weren’t, but of a feather, as they were. It’s not a sack race, of course. It’s the greatest thing that ever happened to me: I am the son of Bud and Joan Walker.