We are all

chained to fortune:

the chain of one is made of gold,

and wide, while that of another is short

and rusty. But what difference does it make?

The same prison surrounds all of us, and even those

who have bound others are bound themselves; unless perchance

you think that a chain on the left side is lighter. Honors bind one man,

wealth another; nobility oppresses some, humility others; some are

held in subjection by an external power, while others obey

the tyrant within; banishments keep some in one place,

the priesthood others. All life is slavery. Therefore

each one must accustom himself to his own

condition and complain about it as

little as possible, and lay hold

of whatever good is to be

found near him.

Seneca

A person’s

approach to sexuality

is a sign of his level of evolution.

Unevolved persons practice ordinary

sexual intercourse. Placing all emphasis upon

the sexual organs, they neglect the body’s other

organs and systems. Whatever physical

energy is accumulated is summarily

discharged, and the subtle energies

are similarly dissipated and

disordered. It is a great

backward

leap. 

For those

who aspire to the higher

realms of living, there is angelic

dual cultivation. Because every portion

of the body, mind, and spirit yearns

for the integration of yin and yang,

angelic intercourse is led

by the spirit rather

than the sexual

organs. 

Where

ordinary intercourse

is effortful, angelic cultivation is calm,

relaxed, quiet, and natural. Where ordinary

intercourse unites sex organs with sex organs, angelic

cultivation unites spirit with spirit, mind with mind, and

every cell of one body with every cell of the other body.

Culminating not in dissolution but in integration,

it is an opportunity to mutually transform

and uplift each other into the

realm of bliss and

wholeness. 

…It can be

possible to open a pathway

to the subtle realm and receive

these celestial teachings

directly from the

immortals. 

from Hua hu Ching, Chapter 69

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The practice

of all the bodhisattvas is

to turn away immediately from those

things which bring desire and attachment.

For the pleasures of the senses are just

like salty water: the more we taste

of them, the more our

thirst increases.
 

Gyalsé Tokmé Zangpo

The Amazon’s Defenders

There are two kinds of suffering.
There is the suffering you run away from,
which follows you everywhere. And there is
the suffering you face directly,
and so become free.

Ajahn Chah
 

Once upon a time ago, a tremendous fool was born. Time passed, a bit more than a quarter of a century of it, and the fool remained foolish (a reliable tendency among his species). Then, by the greatest stroke of dumb luck, on a moonlight hillside overlooking the great blue Pacific Ocean, he experienced what zennists term satori — a great awakening, a robust insight into the absolute nature of reality.

He was allowed to see the whole enchilada. Every veil was removed, his past and future were seen in naked totality, every imaginable question —  millions of them! — was simultaneously asked and instantly answered. He was bathed in light, love, and absolute, penetrating understanding, and he knew then that the thing spoken of as enlightenment, realization of the Self, was real and attainable.

This sublime state passed, and he returned to being just another ordinary dumbass. This fool was me. Is me. While I would like to tell you that my life transformed immediately and irrevocably on that night and that I went forward illuminated and in a state of perpetual grace, it weren’t to be. I did, however, vividly remember what I had been shown, and in the years following, I prayed in every zendo, yoga shala, zikr, peyote meeting, ayahuasca ceremony, and meditation hall I entered that I be allowed enlightenment in this body, in this life.

That may be the spiritual equivalent of calling in an airstrike on one’s own position, only time in its fullness will tell. But in a matter of months, I rode a mountain bike into an immovable object at great speed, broke my neck in two places, and suffered a traumatic brain injury; used my newly-addled noggin to banish a near-perfect fiancee from my life; married a dangerous lunatic on the shortest of notice; jumped from the frying pan into the fire by conceiving a child with her on the morning of our wedding day; and descended into decades of on-and-off befuddlement, woe, substance idiocy, barking insanity, and quite often precious little else. Most of this resembled enlightenment hardly ever, alas, though happily there have been some fleeting glimmers.

Unless you are

very careful after you experience

the first satori, it is extremely difficult

for you fully to perfect your

Dharma eye.

Bankei

I say “alas”, but I don’t especially mean it. The path of the fool on the way to enlightenment and realization is as honorable as any, and more hilarious than most — who wants to be Trump, Ghadafi, or Theodore Bundy on such a lengthy and involved journey?! It does, however, require having the largest kind of sense of humor about oneself. One must accept and embrace oneself as a Spiritual Donkey, if you will — a beginner, a tripper and a stumbler, a hapless knucklehead trying helplessly to home in on the greatest prize of all. If you’re inclined to do that, too, welcome.

This is prolly a good time to say I’m making use of the ol’ donkey trope here, not disrespecting actual donkeys, who are cooler than the other side of the pillow in every way — if you’re unsure what I mean, go and read about the donkeys of Fez, some of whom navigate that labyrinthine ancient city alone on their daily rounds. 

I look up to donkeys, and I aim not to be anyone’s teacher but my own. I don’t seek that altogether questionable relationship for you or me. Rumi said that trying to be a spiritual teacher is akin to trying to ride a lightning bolt up a river canyon, which sounds messy and dangerous. I’ve always been clear that would be a tragic detour for us both — so let’s just trip and stumble, donkeys that we are, in one another’s company a while.

I’m taking this moment to be explicit about this because the nature of what I do can be misleading. Publish enough pretty books of spiritual teachings, pin a bunch of them on an internet wall, and people could be forgiven for thinking either that you’re some sort of enlightened prince, or (more likely) that you think that you are. Neither is true here. 

It is said that Alan Ginsberg once remarked to his friend and fellow seeker Gary Snyder, regarding their mutual devotion to spiritual pursuits, “We are fools, Gary!” — to which Snyder is said to have replied, “We may be fools, Alan, but we are God’s fools.” That is the most laudatory thought I think or say about myself: I am a fool, but I’m trying, at least, to be one of God’s fools. 

I like this way of thinking about spiritual life, not least because it lends a soupçon of dignity to a process involving rather a lot of advanced if unintended buffoonery. Insight flashes, the inspiration to pursue what has been revealed is ignited, but then a lot of hard work, slogging, frustration, clown-ass failure, and tearing of hair pretty much inevitably follow. If you’re hearing a different version of an enlightenment story, you might be wise to secure your wallet or purse.

This website aims, then, to be an aid to and a conversation about tripping and stumbling one’s way to enlightenment. There is, in fact, possibly no other way there. We may as well acknowledge that regularly, with plenty of humility.

My own life has been colorful, wonderful in myriad ways, extraordinarily painful in some respects. I don’t carry on much about it here from day to day because I think it’s a distraction from what you likely came for, which is perhaps a quick breath of inspiration on your own journey. Onward!