How much freedom
is gained if a man ignores what
his neighbor said or did or intended
and considers only what he himself is doing
and how to make his actions just and right, the
kind of things a good man would do! Don’t let
your attention be caught by the darkness
of others’ movements; just run straight
on the line, with no ungainly
movements.
In relationships,
desires lead to misfortune.
Behave with discipline
and balance.
Kuei Mei is concerned with the guidelines for the proper conduct of relationships, whether they be social, romantic, or work related. The image here is of thunder roiling the surface of a lake, and it suggests that relationships can be disturbing to our peace of mind unless they are established and governed under proper principles.
The nature of relationships is that they lead us into the desire state: we begin to desire another, desire recognition, desire retribution, desire a particular outcome in a given situation. All of these desires lead us away from the equanimity that we aim to maintain as students of the I Ching. This hexagram often comes as a sign that you are in danger of sacrificing your composure in an effort to affect a relationship.
When someone does not treat you as you would like, you are faced with a choice as to what to do. While it may be tempting to abandon the relationship in anger or act aggressively to produce a result, neither of these is consistent with proper principles.
You are counseled instead to return to inner independence, acceptance, modestly, and gentleness. The greatest influence is always had through inner discipline and balance; less subtle measures may produce more immediate results, but they are seldom lasting.
This hexagram also teaches us that rushing into a relationship, rushing to resolve a relationship, or rushing to escape a relationship are all akin to rushing on ice: each invites a panful fall. Seek to establish relationships slowly and on proper principles, to allow them to evolve naturally, and to resolve disputes with patience and reserve.
If your primary relationship — that with the Sage — is open and ongoing and devoted, then all other relationships will fall into place.
The I Ching, or Book of Changes
Hexagram 54, Kuei Mei / The Marrying Maiden
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Just look right here.
Don’t seek transcendent enlightenment.
Just observe and observe: suddenly
you’ll laugh aloud.
When people
find one thing beautiful,
another consequently becomes ugly.
When one man is held up as good,
another is judged
deficient.
Similarly, being and
non-being balance each other;
difficult and easy define each other;
long and short illustrate each other;
high and low rest upon each other;
voice and song meld into harmony;
what is to come follows upon
what has been.
The wise person
acts without effort and teaches
by quiet example. She accepts things as they
come, creates without possessing, nourishes without
demanding, accomplishes without taking credit.
Because she constantly forgets herself,
she is never forgotten.
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What is the
practice of repaying wrongs?
When receiving suffering, a practitioner
who cultivates the Path should think to himself:
“During countless ages past I have abandoned the root
and pursued the branches, flowing into the various states
of being, and giving rise to much rancor and hatred—the
transgression, the harm done, has been limitless.
Though I do not transgress now, this suffering
is a disaster left over from former lives —
the results of evil deeds have ripened.
This suffering is not something
given by gods or
humans.”
You should willingly
endure the suffering without anger
or complaint. The sutra says: “Encountering
suffering, one is not concerned. Why? Because one
is conscious of the basic root.” When this attitude toward
suffering is born, you are in accord with inner truth,
and even as you experience wrongs, you advance
on the Path. Thus it is called “the practice
of repaying wrongs”.
Records of the Teachers and Students of the Lanka