the proper conduct of relationships

majeed badizadegan

 

In relationships,

desires lead to misfortune.

Behave with discipline

and balance.

 

Kuei Mei is concerned with the guidelines for the proper conduct of relationships, whether they be social, romantic, or work related. The image here is of thunder roiling the surface of a lake, and it suggests that relationships can be disturbing to our peace of mind unless they are established and governed under proper principles.

The nature of relationships is that they lead us into the desire state: we begin to desire another, desire recognition, desire retribution, desire a particular outcome in a given situation. All of these desires lead us away from the equanimity that we aim to maintain as students of the I Ching. This hexagram often comes as a sign that you are in danger of sacrificing your composure in an effort to affect a relationship.

When someone does not treat you as you would like, you are faced with a choice as to what to do. While it may be tempting to abandon the relationship in anger or act aggressively to produce a result, neither of these is consistent with proper principles.

You are counseled instead to return to inner independence, acceptance, modestly, and gentleness. The greatest influence is always had through inner discipline and balance; less subtle measures may produce more immediate results, but they are seldom lasting.

This hexagram also teaches us that rushing into a relationship, rushing to resolve a relationship, or rushing to escape a relationship are all akin to rushing on ice: each invites a panful fall. Seek to establish relationships slowly and on proper principles, to allow them to evolve naturally, and to resolve disputes with patience and reserve.

If your primary relationship — that with the Sage — is open and ongoing and devoted, then all other relationships will fall into place.

 

The I Ching, or Book of Changes

Hexagram 54, Kuei Mei / The Marrying Maiden

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absorbed in stillness

fabio oliveira

 

Die 

the great death,

and in the cool ashes of the

funeral pyre you will

meet what never

dies.

 

How is

this accomplished?

By letting go of thoughts,

sacrificing all sentiment,

abandoning emotion,

ignoring the

senses.

 

Solitary,

transcendent, unseeking,

absorbed in stillness and doing

non-doing, you will find that

the universe comes

to you.

 

Wei wu Wei Ching, Hexagram 12

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with each step, a flower blooms

blossoms

 
A lot

of unimportant inner

litter and bits and pieces have

to be swept out first. Even a small head

can be piled high inside with irrelevant distractions.

True, there may be edifying emotions and thoughts, too, but

the clutter is ever present. So let this be the aim of the meditation:

to turn one’s innermost being into a vast empty plain, with none

of that treacherous undergrowth to impede the view. So that

something of “God” can enter you, and something of “Love,”

too. Not the kind of love-de-luxe that you can revel in

deliciously for half an hour, taking pride in

how sublime you feel, but the love

you can apply to small,

everyday things.
 

 

Looked

at Japanese prints

with Glassner this afternoon.

That’s how I want to write. With that much

space round a few words. They should simply emphasize

the silence. Just like that print with the sprig of blossom in the

lower corner. A few delicate brush strokes—but with what attention

to the smallest detail—and all around it space, not empty but inspired.

The few great things that matter in life can be said in a few words.

If I should ever write—but what?—I would like to brush in a

few words against a wordless background. To describe

the silence and the stillness and to inspire them.

What matters is the right relationship between

words and wordlessness, the wordlessness

in which much more happens than

in all the words one can

string together.

 

Etty Hillesum

 

The mind

can go in a thousand

directions, but on this beautiful

path, I walk in peace. With each step,

the wind blows. With each step,

a flower blooms.

 

Thich Nhat Hanh