the proper basis for relationships

ryan and alex

 

In fellowship with others,
embody the principles of the Sage.

 
This hexagram addresses the proper basis for relationships with others. It generally comes as a sign that some kind of self-correction is in order in this arena.

Proper relationships, whether in love, work, family, or friendship, must be founded on and conducted under proper principles in order to succeed. Our model for how to behave with others is the Sage: in relating we are obliged to practice kindness, humility, correctness, equanimity, and openness. Wherever we depart from these we lose the aid of the Higher Power and risk and encounter with misfortune.

The fundamental rule of the I Ching for the conduct of relationships is that they take place in the open. This means that every facet of a relationship should be seen as fair and correct by everyone concerned, not just yourself. It also means that it is improper to enter into or continue in relationships with unspoken reservations or hidden intentions.

Exceptional things can be accomplished by those who come together correctly in fellowship now under the guidance of an enlightened leader or leaders. Seek that role by patterning yourself after the Sage. Meet others halfway in a spirit of sincerity and receptivity. Give trust where it is due; where it is not, do not resort to harshness – reserve and reticence are adequate measures. Avoid the formation of factions and cliques, and correct your errors in relationships as soon as you become aware of them.  In this way you can accomplish magnificent deeds now.
 

The I Ching, or Book of Changes

Hexagram 13, T’ung Jen / Fellowship with Others

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an object of esteem becomes a nest

giuseppe palmisano

 
Haven’t you seen the saying of Master Yantou that whenever you have an object of esteem, it becomes a nest?…

Those who get a taste for the sayings of people of old make extraordinary sayings and wonderful statements into a nest…Those who get a taste for a state of quiescent silence without words or speech make a nest of closing the eyes and sitting in a ghost cave in a mountain of darkness on the other side of the prehistoric Buddhas. Those who get a taste for the goings-on of daily activities make a nest of raising their eyebrows, blinking their eyes, and alerting attention…

If you do not have a strong will and discipline to step back and realize your error, you will imagine what you esteem to be extraordinary, imagine it to be mysterious and marvelous, imagine it to be peace and security, imagine it to be ultimate, imagine it to be liberation.

Those who entertain such imaginations could not be helped even if the Buddha appeared in the world. In the teachings this is called the confusion of ignorance and benightedness. Why? because you are ignorant you cling to error and consider it right. Because you are benighted you remain plunged into what you esteem and cannot budge.

If you do not produce anything in your mind, and are not fixated on anything, then you have no object of esteem. When you have no object of esteem, you naturally have no greed and no dependence on things, independent in the midst of things, with bare-boned strength. 

If you want such accord right now, it is not difficult; just be equanimous in mind, unaffected by anything. What is affectation? Formulating concepts of sentient beings, concepts of Buddha, concepts of the mundane, concepts of the transcendental, concepts of seeking detachment, concepts of seeking enlightened knowledge. Those are all called affectations.

Just concentrate intensely on the brink of arousal, and leap out in one jump — this mind will be clear, independently liberated. Then as soon as you sense this, turn upward, and you will spontaneously be lucid everywhere; it will be evident in everything. 

When you manage to reach such a state, don’t keep taking note of it. If you keep taking note of it, then you’ll have an object of esteem.
 

Dahui

treasury of the eye of true teaching

 

the proper conduct of relationships

majeed badizadegan

 

In relationships,

desires lead to misfortune.

Behave with discipline

and balance.

 

Kuei Mei is concerned with the guidelines for the proper conduct of relationships, whether they be social, romantic, or work related. The image here is of thunder roiling the surface of a lake, and it suggests that relationships can be disturbing to our peace of mind unless they are established and governed under proper principles.

The nature of relationships is that they lead us into the desire state: we begin to desire another, desire recognition, desire retribution, desire a particular outcome in a given situation. All of these desires lead us away from the equanimity that we aim to maintain as students of the I Ching. This hexagram often comes as a sign that you are in danger of sacrificing your composure in an effort to affect a relationship.

When someone does not treat you as you would like, you are faced with a choice as to what to do. While it may be tempting to abandon the relationship in anger or act aggressively to produce a result, neither of these is consistent with proper principles.

You are counseled instead to return to inner independence, acceptance, modestly, and gentleness. The greatest influence is always had through inner discipline and balance; less subtle measures may produce more immediate results, but they are seldom lasting.

This hexagram also teaches us that rushing into a relationship, rushing to resolve a relationship, or rushing to escape a relationship are all akin to rushing on ice: each invites a panful fall. Seek to establish relationships slowly and on proper principles, to allow them to evolve naturally, and to resolve disputes with patience and reserve.

If your primary relationship — that with the Sage — is open and ongoing and devoted, then all other relationships will fall into place.

 

The I Ching, or Book of Changes

Hexagram 54, Kuei Mei / The Marrying Maiden

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a change in attitude delivers you

concentrate on the way

 

A change in attitude

delivers you from

difficulties.

 
The hexagram Hsieh signals the beginning of a deliverance from danger, tensions, and difficulty. The I Ching instructs you here on both the cause of deliverance and how you must act in order to fully benefit from it.

Deliverance is always caused by a change in our attitude. The Higher Power uses conflicts and obstacles to teach us lessons that we refuse to learn in an easier way, but they only darken our doorstep until we have acknowledged the lesson. So long as we ignore or resist difficulty it remains our constant companion; as soon as we accept its presence as a sign that some self-correction is needed, our deliverance begins. Truly, the only way to dispel trouble and regain peace of mind is to change our attitude.

The I Ching also teaches us that we have several responsibilities once our deliverance begins. The first is to forgive the misdeeds of others. The image of the hexagram is that of a powerful rainstorm washing away what is unclean. This, then, is a time to clean every slate and begin anew, meeting others halfway with gentleness and patience.

Next, we are advised to restore our inner balance and see that it is maintained. Deliverance offers us a return to equanimity, and we must avail ourselves of the opportunity conscientiously. Finally, we are counseled not to try to force progress, even though the time is beneficial. If we have truly changed our attitude, we have become detached, innocent, modest, and accepting. In this state we allow progress to unfold naturally according to the will of the Sage.
 

from The I Ching, or Book of Changes

Hexagram 40, Hsieh / Deliverance

 

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make enlightenment your standard


 
Fundamentally, this great light is there with each and every person right where they stand — empty clear through, spiritually aware, all-pervasive, it is called the scenery of the fundamental ground.

Sentient beings and buddhas are both inherently equipped with it. It is perfectly fluid and boundless, fusing everything within it. It is within your own heart and is the basis of your physical body and of the five clusters of form, sensation, conception, motivational synthesis, and consciousness. It has never been defiled or stained, and its fundamental nature is still and silent.

False thoughts suddenly arise and cover it over and block it off and confine it within the six sense faculties and sense objects. Sense faculties and sense objects are paired off, and you get stuck and begin clinging and getting attached. You grasp at all the various objects and scenes, and produce all sorts of false thoughts, and sink down into the toils of birth and death, unable to gain liberation.

All the buddhas and ancestral teachers awakened to this true source and penetrated clear through to the fundamental basis. They took pity on all the sentient beings sunken in the cycle of birth and death and were inspired by great compassion, so they appeared in the world precisely for this reason. It was also for this reason that Bodhidharma came from the West with special practice outside of doctrine.

The most important thing is for people of great faculties and sharp wisdom to turn the light of mind around and shine back and clearly awaken to this mind before a single thought is born. This mind can produce all world-transcending and worldly phenomena. When it is forever stamped with enlightenment, your inner heart is independent and transcendent and brimming over with life. As soon as you rouse your conditioned mind and set errant thoughts moving, then you have obscured the fundamental clarity. 

If you want to pass through easily and directly right now, just let your body and mind become thoroughly empty, so it is vacant and silent yet aware and luminous. Inwardly, forget all your conceptions of self, and outwardly, cut off all sensory defilements. When inside and outside are clear all the way through, there is just one true reality. 

…Let no one be deluded about cause and effect. You must realize that the causal basis of hell and heaven is all formed by your own inherent mind. 

You must keep this mind balanced and equanimous, without deluded ideas of self and others, without arbitrary loves and hates, without grasping or rejecting, without notions of gain and loss. Go on gradually nurturing this for a long time, perhaps twenty or thirty years. Whether you encounter favorable or adverse conditions, do not retreat or regress — then when you come to the juncture between life and death, you will naturally be set free and be not afraid. As the saying goes, “Truth requires sudden awakening, but the phenomenal level calls for gradual cultivation.”

I often see those who are trying to study Buddhism just use their worldly intelligence to sift among the verbal teachings of the buddhas and ancestral teacher, trying to pick out especially wondrous sayings to use as conversation pieces to display their ability and understanding. This is not the correct view of the matter. You must abandon your world view and sit quietly with mind silent. Forget entangling causes and investigate with your whole being. When you are thoroughly clear, then whatever you bring forth from your own inexhaustible treasure of priceless jewels is sure to be genuine and real.

So first you must awaken to the Fundamental and clearly see the essence where mind equals buddha. Detach from all false entanglements and become free and clean. After that respectfully practice all forms of good, and arouse great compassion to bring benefits to all sentient beings. In all that you do, be even and balanced and attuned to the inherent equality of all things — be selfless and have no attachments. When wondrous wisdom manifests itself and you penetrate through to the basic essence, all your deeds will be wonder-working. Thus it is said, “Just manage to accept the truth — you won’t be deceived.”

Make enlightenment your standard, and don’t feel bad if it is slow in coming. Take care!
 

Yuanwu

zen letters

🪷