The “stupa” to be
“circumambulated” is the body
and mind. Let enlightened wisdom
constantly patrol body and mind unceasingly
from moment to moment. This is called
“circumambulating the stupa.” All of
the sages of the past traveled this
path to find the bliss
of nirvana.
Records of the Teachers and Students of the Lanka
In relationships,
desires lead to misfortune.
Behave with discipline
and balance.
Kuei Mei is concerned with the guidelines for the proper conduct of relationships, whether they be social, romantic, or work related. The image here is of thunder roiling the surface of a lake, and it suggests that relationships can be disturbing to our peace of mind unless they are established and governed under proper principles.
The nature of relationships is that they lead us into the desire state: we begin to desire another, desire recognition, desire retribution, desire a particular outcome in a given situation. All of these desires lead us away from the equanimity that we aim to maintain as students of the I Ching. This hexagram often comes as a sign that you are in danger of sacrificing your composure in an effort to affect a relationship.
When someone does not treat you as you would like, you are faced with a choice as to what to do. While it may be tempting to abandon the relationship in anger or act aggressively to produce a result, neither of these is consistent with proper principles.
You are counseled instead to return to inner independence, acceptance, modestly, and gentleness. The greatest influence is always had through inner discipline and balance; less subtle measures may produce more immediate results, but they are seldom lasting.
This hexagram also teaches us that rushing into a relationship, rushing to resolve a relationship, or rushing to escape a relationship are all akin to rushing on ice: each invites a panful fall. Seek to establish relationships slowly and on proper principles, to allow them to evolve naturally, and to resolve disputes with patience and reserve.
If your primary relationship — that with the Sage — is open and ongoing and devoted, then all other relationships will fall into place.
The I Ching, or Book of Changes
Hexagram 54, Kuei Mei / The Marrying Maiden
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The central benefit of zen,
in the context of ordinary ups and downs
of life, is not in the context of preventing the minus
and promoting the plus, but in directing people
to the fundamental reality that is not
under the sway of ups
and downs.
When people
find one thing beautiful,
another consequently becomes ugly.
When one man is held up as good,
another is judged
deficient.
Similarly, being and
non-being balance each other;
difficult and easy define each other;
long and short illustrate each other;
high and low rest upon each other;
voice and song meld into harmony;
what is to come follows upon
what has been.
The wise person
acts without effort and teaches
by quiet example. She accepts things as they
come, creates without possessing, nourishes without
demanding, accomplishes without taking credit.
Because she constantly forgets herself,
she is never forgotten.
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Milarepa,
the twelfth-century Tibetan
yogi who sang wonderful songs about
the proper way to meditate, said that the mind
has more projections than there are dust motes in a
sunbeam and that even hundreds of spears couldn’t put
an end to that. As meditators we might as well stop struggling
against our thoughts and realize that honesty and humor
are far more inspiring and helpful than any
kind of solemn religious striving
for or against
anything.